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Beta for angsty...thing?

I love this comm already. This is the first time I've ever asked for a beta, so forgive any newbie mistakes! I'm looking for general constructive criticism and deeper thoughts if you can be bothered, especially on the second chapter. Thankyou in advance!

First Chapter- Scattered Light.
Paring: Implied Sora/Roxas. I'm unsure if it counts as incest or not...
Rating: First chapter is NC-17 for YAOI and swearing.
A/N. Lots of implications and many assumptions needed.



Fingers scrawl across pale skin, so similar. If they lie together, it’s hard to tell where one begins and the other ends, save for shadows.
One is light, plain and simple. Dazzling, bright. Beautiful. Cruelly honest.
The other is neon. An imitator of light. Look closely and he’s cold and empty. He hides it behind his nervous smile and innocent eyes.
One takes the other in his arms. The original holds the shattered pieces of himself; beautiful but broken.
It’s dirtywrongsicktwisted what they’re doing.
Push, push, push. Moan, gasp, fuck. It’s over too quickly, bodies sticky with sweat and cum.
Moonlight streams into the room; now hot with the scent of them.
One lays back content, arms behind his head. The other is curled up around him, enjoying the warmth and the repetition of his heartbeat. It’s reassuring and bittersweet.
In the morning, he is alone again. Sora curses and goes to shower the evidence off.
‘Never again,’
But warm, familiar fingers are so inviting when you’re lonely.


Second Chapter- Scattered Light Deux.
Paring: Implied Sora/Roxas, Sora/Riku, Axel/Roxas.
Rating: M...or maybe NC-17 for boy/boy loving.
A/N. Lots of implications and many assumptions needed.



It has been weeks since they were together. It fills them both with an emptiness and from said emptiness comes a dark sense of longing.
But life must continue. The twin darks within them pine for one another.
He goes to the other, brown and silver clashing spectacularly against white bedsheets. The tiny bedroom reeks of island and Paopu and it further deepens his feeling of isolation from Him. Every movement reminding Sora that it isn’t Him; the feeling of fingers that aren’t His makes him shiver in disgust.
He lies, he forces his body to lie and when he looks at the other, he tries his hardest to make that silver hair turn blonde.
He goes to the other, blonde and red melding together in a crude yin yang. He listens to the declarations of love, the I-missed-yous and the never-leave-me-agains that flow. Right now silence with Him sounds sweeter than anything the other can say.
Besides, love has little meaning coming from one without a heart.
He and the other sit on a balcony, neon blue sticky-sweet running down their wrists. The stars twinkle in the endless That Never Was and he can’t help but try to imagine the hand holding his is the same as his in every way.

They both smile and play the part with poise and grace. They say the right words and do the right things only because they wish they could do it to each other. They both dream of their darks meeting, both awake with sticky fingers and both are satisfied for but a second.
...

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Kingdom Hearts Beta - we love concrit!

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